Holey Night

If I know the truth...if I know it in profound, earth moving way...then why do I lose it? Why is it obscured at night? Like when the night sky is full of holes and the universe peaks through, how you can see everything so clearly for just a split second, and then it's gone, and you are just sitting in the dark. It's like that. I can feel the truth all around me and in me and through me...and then it's hidden. It hurts. Like slicing your finger open and not feeling it until you see the blood. It hurts like that. All that energy that I save for talking and being around people and the act that it takes to be the half-normal that everyone thinks I am is running so very low. I thought that it would get better when I understood, but I understand now, and I can feel the pain. I can feel it flow from everyone around me. I feel everything that they feel. Joy, pain, happiness, sadness, all of it, like a river is trying to rush me back in to the middle of itself again. I like the side. I like the cool quiet pools at the edge of the raging river, where I can dip my feet and feel the sun on my face, smell the earth. I yearn for the quiet.